Jumping right in

 I had made a vow not to post here again until I got back to my past current weight (265) as I had gained a few pounds (272). As of this morning, I am officially back to where I started! Woo-hoo!

The following is my plan of action

Plan of Action

Nutrition:

• Cook more: I'm currently using Skinny Taste  for recipes (she is AWESOME). Super easy and super delicious every time.
• Track EVERYTHING!: Currently using My Fitness Pal (solace2801 is my handle)
• Portion Control and reducing carbs

Fitness:
Working out at home until next year. Aiming to conquer Insanity first, then p90x which I have had for more than 2 years!

I have also implemented a reward system for myself. Just to make sure it isn't just about weight, I'll be giving myself rewards for streaks as well.

Weight Loss Rewards:
10 lbs: Yonanas Frozen yogurt machine
25 lbs: Small trip to the sister isle Tobago
50 lbs - Complete makeover and shopping trip to Panama (I've been dying to dye my hair - which, is now loc'd!)
Goal Weight: 2 week trip to Europe!!!

Streak rewards:
1 week: Go see a movie 
2 weeks: Sushi date with boyfriend
1 month: Pre-order Resident Evil 6 and Dinner at Buzo Osteria Italiana with Boyfriend
2 months: TBA
3 months: TBA
6 Months: TBA
1 year: Something AWESOME (TBA)


Motivation: 
My current motivation is a trip to Jamaica I've already booked to Jamaica next year and the blue bikini I bought to wear on the beach!


Any suggestions for streak rewards?

That is all.

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Don't look down!

I post here today with many failures under my belt. I have had more reboots than I can count (or care to). I even considered making the blog private today just so I wouldn't have to look at them (my failures - all laid out in chronological order) again. But the mantra I shall chant instead is Don't Look Down.

This journey to weight loss or rather a healthier, happier, more active me has taken more than 3 years officially. I have seen myself at my best, at my worst and my absolute bottom. I have seen the success of friends, felt pangs of jealousy, shame and rage because it hasn't happened for me.  I reboot yet again at very near the original weight I started at and felt as though I worked for 3 years with nothing to show but dusty equipment, a broken heart and little to no will power. And yet, here I am again. Doing this again.

That counts for something, right?

Alas, failure is an option and one I shall learn from again and again.

So, once again, I will put my plan for 2012 - I look forward to pushing past failure.

Current stance

Weight: 265+
BMI: 37.3
Body Fat: 45.1%
Resolve: Strong but shaky

Short term goals (under 3 months)
Get under 250 lbs permanently by Carnival 2012 (February 20th)


30 day plan starting Dec 27th
1) Finish Jillian Michael's Ripped in 30 workout
2) Track everything I eat and drink
3) Drink 6 (32oz) bottles of water daily
4) Work out at least 6 times per week
5) Do it on a budget.


Potential hurdles:
1) Wisdom tooth surgery: Will not be able to eat solid food for a week. Need to find low calorie/ low fat slurpy foods and not give in to the overwhelming urge to eat ice cream for every meal.

2) My day job - long erratic hours that often require me to eat all meals at the office so planning ahead in case of emergency is necessary. 

3) Cravings > willpower - I often have an uncanny craving for sweet after lunch. This can manifest itself in brownie, cookie, chocolate bar or Wendy's apple pie immediately after mid-day's meal. Will need to counteract with healthy snack options that are ready at hand and limited cash.

4) Boredom + Lack of healthy options = Disaster.


And... we're off!

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Cheesecake

Seriously. Why can't I quit you?

It's about that time - close to quitting time at work. A quiet, almost desperate lull before I leave the office - or hope to leave the office. In my line of work, this is my deadline to squeeze the last bit of creativity out of my already weary brain.

This is when most of my indiscretions occur.

A taste for something sweet or salty or savoury or just plain-not-in-the-plans-for-me swells within my tummy. Not because he's hungry. Oh, no. But because the little gremlin inside wants to toy with me. Prey on my boredom/discouragement from lack of ideas. The dirty green bastard.


Today,  that gremlin's name is cheesecake. *sigh*

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The Quest for a Collarbone

The smallest I ever remember being in my adult life is 238 lbs.

That was immediately after the breakup of the (formerly) longest relationship I had ever been in. But it wasn't post-breakup blues that caused my weight loss. It was a 2 week flu with fever followed by a binge on diet pills to blame. Pills banned in the U.S. and several other countries I might add.

Not exactly the healthiest I've ever been.

Though, even at 238 lbs, I still couldn't tell you what my collarbone looked like.

 Before one fateful conversation between a friend enemy grudging acquaintance and I,  I had never even noticed that I couldn't see it until the subject had been breached quite unexpectedly. She had been boasting of losing weight and said she could finally see her collarbone.  At home, some time later, I looked for my own protruding bone and saw nothing but a rising plane from my neck to my bust.  Since then, secretly, I could think of nothing else.

Today, I stand at a half-inch shy of 6 feet high and 265 lbs wide. My collarbone is buried as deep as it ever has been.

Strangely enough, this isn't borne out of vanity (I hope). I don't want to be skinny, I don't need to be slim and probably will never be. My ultimate aim is a fit, healthy body that's well-taken care of. However, I'd be lying if I said I loved my back fat and I could do without the back, knee and ankle pain I bear on a daily basis. As for my collarbone, I just want to see what it looks like.


So, there it is. My quirks, laid out on the table. This is my attempt at my final "I'm back" post. And, as my tired arms ache from over-doing it at the gym, I'm smiling at the possibilities more than 2 years since my first post. No plan, no quantitative progress but a whole new mindset and a shit-load of persistence.   100 lbs in 365 days my ass!

Oh, you can follow me over at fitocracy if you wish.

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*pant pant* *wheeze*.... *flatline*

Can't....
Move....
Body.....
Must....
Find....
Water....
........................

It always amazes me how hard the first workout after falling off the wagon is. Almost like penance for not being consistent: five wheezes, 2 muscle lock ups and one stubborn as a mule mind and body that refuse to work together.

But I did it - well, most of it. Kind of.... um, look Ma, I'm sweating!!!

On to day two!

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I took a picture today

Which I haven't the nerve or the slightest inclination to post (maybe I can take a better one later)and I compared said picture to one I had posted  over a year ago. In that picture, I was 268 lbs. In the one I took today at 5:15 a.m., I weighed 255.8. Almost 13 lbs of weight lost suddenly translated to wow, ONLY 13 lbs of weight lost in over a year. I had done the one thing I shouldn't have done. I sabotaged myself.

I should have been celebrating the fact that I lost almost 5 lbs in a week. I should have been celebrating that I finally seemed to have found what works for me. I should have realized that I am definitely not the person I was merely on year ago. Would have. Should have. Could have.

Will have.

Defeatist attitudes don't belong here anymore. I won't post that picture and I'm on my way to do my daily workout. I hope you go do the same.

Current Weight: 255.8
Current calorie intake: 1800
Goal weight by 28/9/10: 250

Love and Peace,

Sol.

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