Finally a post... and pics

I went on my first hike in years Saturday gone and had a blast. 2 hours and 4,000 steps of fun actually. Yes, it was a baby hike. No, I am not ashamed of that. Maybe we'll have more of these soon.

Enjoy.



Yes I know I look a hot mess. Click to enlarge if you want to see just how bad I look.

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Day 84 Cont'd and HYC Check In

So I did Cardio Intervals instead of Plyometrics last night. Plyo is waaaaay too long and I was dead tired - but I did it. I dragged my ass off of my bed last night and did it. *pats self on the back*

Food wise I did well:
Breakfast: Ham Sandwich and Snapple Iced tea
Lunch: Chicken corn soup with two pork pows and White cranberry juice
Dinner: I really can't remember - didn't write anything down.
Snacks: 3 cups of applesauce

I haven't weighed myself in a week so I'll post that when I get home.

Last but not least: I've started a local fit club where members compete to lose weight and achieve goals. Heaven knows I need motivation and the prize you get at the end if you win will be fun too.

That's all!

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Day 84: Keep it Simple, Stupid

*sigh* I'll admit it - I'm failing miserably at this. So badly that I've often thought of just giving up and dooming myself to staying in this body forever. Could I bear it? Knowing that I could take control but still just let it go? I can't really say that I've let myself go either because, if I'm really honest with myself, the truth is - I've never really had myself to begin with.

Yesterday, during a bout of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I asked N (my major source of support through this) if he would still want me if *this* was all there was to me. His reply: "I just want you to be the person that you want YOU to be."

Wow.

Who is that really? Who do I see myself as should I shed all these infernal pounds? What person will be revealed after this subcutaneous mask of fat, comfort eating and denial has been shed - if it ever is shed? Am I this body? Or is this body me?

More after the jump.


The answer is both... and neither.

While I can not and will not be defined by my body - it's a part of me. I freely admit that there are things I see myself being much more comfortable doing if (hopefully when) I lose weight. These include running; wearing bathing suits, tank tops and shorts; being picked up (very difficult for the lifter but doubly so for the liftee, yours truly) and just being less self conscious. Maybe finding a bit more confidence to showcase the me that most people are blind to because they just see the giantess.

But there are things that won't change about me at all. My personality is pretty much here to stay. I'll still be messy, I'll still be quirky, I'll still have an almost obsessive love for classic movies, green gummy bears and Common. So, I'll be able to fit into smaller clothes - I'll still have to fight for size 12 shoes.There are still bills to be paid, degrees to achieve, places to go and career to develop. All take time, all at the same time. The struggle continues!

So I guess the real question is - Struggle at a comfortable size 18/20 or struggle at a size 9/10 that I worked my ass off for (literally)?

I've always been a sucker for hopeless cases. So onward and upward I suppose. This month I keep it simple.

My Goals for October (the hell or high water month)

1) Get some kind of exercise in everyday. No matter what.
2) Drink more water
3) Write down everything I eat (1800 calories or bust)
4) Self motivate.

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Getting back on the horse

Weight: 265.4 lbs (Augghhh!)

Tony and I had a painful reunion last night as I finally pushed play on the P90X Chest and Back DVD. After about a month away, I am once again out of shape. Not as bad as it was in the beginning mind you, but the 4 lbs I put back on seem to be slowing me down a lot. I made it through with minimum damage but maximum sweatage (as usual) but jeez, those push ups suddenly seem ten times harder.

I guess I should be thankful that I went on sabbatical instead of quitting but I lost 21 days of my journey to illness, laziness and work. Apparently, my bed is much more enticing than Tony could ever be - once I get accustomed to it. But, as Tony said so resoundingly on the DVD, I just have to keep pressing play.

A few good things came out of this though:

Read more after the jump.


First, I started spin, so I wasn't completely without exercise. Hey, one class does count. And I must pat myself on the back here - I kicked spin's ass! Even though everyone in the class was half my size, even though it was my first class in over a year and even though the bike was creaking under my weight and I was self conscious as hell - hearing that tell-tale heart above the thumping music- I did it! And I had fun! So I'll really make a big effort to get that in more (*crosses fingers*)

Secondly, I now know exactly how sedentary my job really is. I can barely get in 2,500 steps there consistently. The office is small, everything is close together, there are no stairs and I'm here for over 8 hours 5 days a week. Definitely not a good equation. So now, I make an extra effort to move around more by walking to lunch and going to the water cooler much more often. Plus to make up for the lack of steps, I'll have to walk around my house like a mad person. Maybe I can clean and walk - I know some people who would LOVE that.

And last, I stopped taking the Alli temporarily. Partly because I don't want to waste them, mostly because I've been eating carelessly. I know now that I eat when I'm bored. If I'm home with nothing to do - I stuff myself. If I'm at the office by 11:00 I'm dying of hunger. At 12, I'm famished so I get whatever is near and then by 2:00, my stomach is rebelling again. I get the munchies worse that a pothead in Amsterdam - seriously. That means:

1) I need to take healthy snacks to the office (got Fruit cocktail today).
2) I need to eat a more hearty breakfast. Clearly cereal alone will not cut it.
3) I need to eat more filling but healthy meals and make the effort to find it or, better yet, cook it myself.

I'll restart alli tomorrow and see how it goes.

As for blogging more, I've found a couple of interesting things to share with you so expect to see that and more very soon. I'll also make a better effort to post daily even if it's just to say hi.

October's goals will definitely be posted tomorrow. It goes without saying the September's goals were a big bust but I WILL do better this month. I have to. *sigh* Wish me luck.

Thanks for listening.

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Sick lady blogs quickly

I've been pretty sick with the flu lately but I still wanted to check in. I owe you a footlong post but thought you'd settle for a pic instead (a thousand words and all). So, here's Swanky Saturday on a Monday. Hopefully, I'll be back on my feet soon.

Green Eyed Monster by HelloMello featuring Alexander McQueen shoes

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Day 59 : Slowly but surely

There I am, in all my sweaty glory... again. Two months down and a 9 lb loss. Clearly, there isn't much of a difference (feel free to disagree with me), but I keep marching on.

This could be a bit premature but I think the pedometer was definitely a good investment. 10,000 steps is a lot of steps and yet, I only stopped short of it by 2,000 steps.

To some that would be failure - but to me, knowing I was only able to scrounge up 2,641 steps in 10 hours at work, it was a feat of great proportions. I made up the other 5,000+ walking around the house like a mad person.

Still wasn't able to do P90x but I did get more than enough water. I'll take ALL my small victories thank you. Tomorrow is another day.

On a related note, I've finally found a way to get spinning in two days a week (it's okay to gasp in surprise now Tish) AND power walking. Since, I hate embarrassing myself alone, I've asked a couple of my friends to join me at the gym twice a week. My mum was even surprised when I asked her on a walking date once a week. Bonding time, I suppose - and heavens knows we need some of that.

Swimming, however, is proving to be a much more difficult goal since I have no immediate access to a pool or beach. So we'll try for weekends when I'm not swamped.

As for my food issues, I'm much better than I was before. I haven't had KFC in over 9 months - and here, that's a huge deal. Especially considering I now have one at walking distance from my home. But I'm proud to report, that in the 9 months of its operations - I have never once walked though it's doors. I'm eating more fruits and veggies than I ever have before and I think eating much more sensibly. If that isn't progress - I don't know what is. Not everything can be measured by the scale, can it?

It's been tough but I think I'm doing OK. This is the longest I've ever stuck to any program and - even though it's more like hanging on to a galloping horse's tail on the verge of being drawn and quartered - I'm still here, completely whole. I hope it stays that way.

Once again - thanks for listening.

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